Designation Resignation

1:53 am – I’ve picked out my outfit for tomorrow, and now I’m lying in bed. I really don’t know how tomorrow, I mean , today, is gonna go. It could go smooth like a baby’s bottom, and I’ll be able to wind down my work over the next month. I would like June 1 to be my last day at work. Or it could be ridiculous with them kicking me out of the office, forbidding me from getting my vacation, personal, and holiday time. Time will tell. Until then I need to get some ZZz’s…

7:55 am – I’ve been up for about 30 minutes now. I’ve shaved, brushed my teeth, and all that good stuff. I’m gonna be GRINDING today at work. I have a lot I need get ready for before the 1 o’clock meeting with my boss. I’m still nervous, but I think telling him today is the only option that makes sense. All my coworkers think I’m telling him too early tho.

He deserves to know that I wont be around to help with all these new projects we have coming along. I’ll check in with you all later.

9:40 am – I actually got to work semi on time today. Around 9:15 after I got my usual Egg McMuffin and Naked Smoothie. At my job, its pretty common for people to work with their headphones on. Ok, so peep scene:

Imagine me sitting at my desk, loading up my computer and jamming to Elle Varner – Refill. All of a sudden I feel faint footsteps behind me track across the walkway, and then stop. I count one….two…three…. and then think to myself “OK someone is behind me staring a hole into my skull I should probably see what they want.”

I turn around to find my coworker Keema. She’s a west coast transplant that’s kind of a loose cannon. You can always count on her to ask the questions that expose the pink elephant in the room, or blurt out curse words throughout the office. And her jokes, while funny… always seem to teeter on the fine line of dark humor and just plain schitzo… Anywho, Keema is a tough cookie, and although she’s a bit socially awkward, she’s crazy smart and I’ve grown to love her.

Back to the story: I turn around and hear her say that she took her cat to the vet this morning. What ensued was a 5 minute conversation about her possessed cat that peed on the doctors table and scratched and clawed its way to an unsuccessful vet visit to the tune of $160. Oh, and she got word that her great-grandmother passed late last night… Me and another coworker suggested she go home and take the day off, there’s no reason to deal with all this stress on a Friday. Then she says she has 3 interviews to run today the first one starting in 30 minutes, and the last ending at 3:30pm

My inner monologue was like – DAMN GIRL… Shit… life’s got you fucked up right now…

Needless to say this did nothing for the butterflies in my stomach. * Whoo-saaaaaaaaah *. Lemme finish editing this resignation letter and figuring my life out b4 this 1 o’clock meeting. Deuces.

12:08 pm – T minus 52 minutes and counting. I’ve been having butterflies in my stomach all day. I REALLY hate this feeling. I don’t know what I’m so scared or nervous about. I mean it’s a letter of resignation… I’ve played my part here for three years. It’s unfortunately time to move forward. I think I’m less worried about the outcome of the meeting and more worried about what will happen to my coworkers and youth once I leave.

Have you ever talked about your goals and dreams with a friend or family member of yours. And  felt like you’ve wanted change to happen for them more than they’ve wanted it for themselves? That’s how I feel about my coworkers. They want to encounter new challenges… But always fall back into their comfortable and routine roles.

Regardless of how inspired they are for themselves… They’ve all inspired me. I’ve grown so much due to them over the three years I’ve been with YouthBuild. Leaving them seems…wrong. It seems spiteful in a way.  But, at the end of the day I have to remember that I HAVE TO FOCUS ON MY OWN DEVELOPMENT. I can’t expect others to do THIS for ME. And unfortunately staying here will only ensure that I wont receive the stimulus to grow like I need to.

*inhale- exhale*

I think I’m about to go into one of our private meeting rooms to get my thoughts. I wish I could get a shot of Goose right now….

1:53 pm – So…. I just got out of my meeting with my boss. He took the news pretty well.
Boss: “So how have things been going?”
Me: “Um…………. Well, That’s an interesting question”
Boss: “Is it now?”
Me: “I dont really know how to say this, but… [fumbles with papers, and finally finds resignation letter] I’ve accepted a Special Education Fellowship with NYCTF. I would like to resign effective June 1.”
Boss: “Uh… Ok. Thats a great opportunity. We’re going to be sorry to lose you.”

That was what I was so nervous about!?!?

We talked about what challenges led me to do resign. I don’t know what the hell I said. I spent so much time figuring out how to start the conversation about resigning, I didn’t take time to clarify my reasons why. I’ll draft a letter to submit during my exit interview. We also talked about  creating systems of transition for other members of the team over the next month.

I really wished I would have prepared my reasons a little better. But… my mind is too clogged right now with prep for the Teaching Fellows, prep for the move to NYC, and prep for my certification tests. Hell prepping for this meeting was pretty much the last thing on my mind. I’m happy it’s over tho. A huge load has been lifted off of my shoulders. Maybe this weekend I’ll take some time to think about how I will transition my work on to my colleagues once I leave. I feel so much better! Now – time to move on to the next pressing matter.

– Peace –


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