Tag Archives: lgbt

Is homosexuality equivalent to femininity?

Is Homosexuality equivalent to femininity?


*The following is a letter received from a SkoolHaze reader. Names were changed to protect privacy*

Well I know this is completely random.. I don’t know if I am intruding into your personal space. I am Tanvi, I am pursuing bachelors in computer science here in India.

Lately I have been concerned about the LGBT status in our country. I am currently working on a project towards bringing awareness that LGBT individuals are not “unnatural” as many conservative heads proclaim. As a part of this I have been trying to understand gay love, about which I know nothing at all.

I would like to interact with you, really looking forward to make a new friend… hoping to hear from you.

With lots of love,


Hey Tanvi,

Sorry to hear about the injustices going on in your home country. I’ll do my best to help you with your project. What parts of gay love do you want to know about?


kanye smerk


Hi Skool,
I am happy to hear from you. Well I want to know few things:

1. Is being gay in any way associated with being more feminine? I suppose it’s just the sexual orientation.

2. I would love to hear any gay love proposals and what kind of love he looks forward to. Like for example a girl dreams that her guy should be someone that is really caring, understanding and there is this iconic going on knees proposal and all that. What would the dream boy for a gay person be like and the dream proposal?

Having said that anything that you can share I would be happy to hear 🙂

Yours lovingly,

Cool here we go Tanvi,

  1. Is being gay in any way associated with being more feminine? I suppose its just the sexual orientation.

Sure. Some people associated gayness with femininity. Some people, as soon as they learn you’re gay, want to know if you’re self-described as masculine or feminine. I would characterize these people as simple to say the least. Immediately, I know what type of person I’m dealing with, in America, when I hear this question. Especially because this question mostly comes from other men that are also within the gay spectrum. When men on the spectrum ask this question they are almost always probing for sex. And they are almost always simple-minded. Not because they’re probing for sex, but because they equate sufficient sex down to a handful of descriptors, one of them being one’s self proclaimed masculinity/femininity, which we can agree has no play on a person’s ability to provide sexual gratification. 


What does feminine mean? Its my understanding that feminine means a lot of things. In its essence it is a neutral term. Meaning something prescribed or most frequently connected to females/women. There in its essence is not positive or negative value ascribed to the previous sentence. Or at least there shouldn’t be. Here in America many of my peers very recently even have taken the time to talk about how strong women are in 2015. They are leading families, they are leading companies, they are leading their communities, they are doing it all. Think Serena Williams. There’s nothing inherently weak about her. However, for some reason, we’ve allowed ourselves to create a society across the globe that trembles and infuses shame whenever men are connected with anything culturally-prescribed as inherently feminine. At the same time, we do the opposite whenever a woman demonstrates a behavior culturally-prescribed as inherently masculine. Here, we infuse pride, success, and achievement into the women and scenarios attached. 


I got a little off topic there. In short, yes, there are indeed some connections between gay men and culturally-prescribed female traits. However, keep in mind that these are only some of the many things that are connected or indicative of homosexual men as an active subset of humanity. I think it is imperative to note that these culturally-prescribed feminine traits do not serve to pump up or dismantle anything within the gay culture, or humanity, as femininity, itself, is not a singularly positive or negative trait(s) to express. At different levels of my maturity, I have struggled to continuously develop my understanding of “normal” behavior.

While we’re working to open up our communities to be more inclusive of our gay populations, and marginalized populations in general, we have to be sure not to continue to instill negatively-framed language or vocabulary against any of the members of our communities. 

  1. I would love to hear any gay love proposals and what kind of love he looks forward to. Like for example a girl dreams that his guy should be someone that is really caring, understanding and there is this iconic going on knees proposal and all that. What would the dream boy of a gay be like and the dream proposal.

I think love is love. We are entering an era now where men and women all over are taking advantage of this opportunity to marry and enter life-long commitments with the ones they love regardless of what they look like. That opportunity wasn’t available a generation ago. I’m interested to see how the gay community here in America works to develop marriage and love in its own image, shaping larger American culture.

With that being said, I can say that personally I’ve never really thought about an engagement story. To be honest, I would really just prefer to have someone to love me unconditionally. Someone that was fully interested in building and leaving marks on this world long after we ourselves stop moving about it. That’s the kind of dream guy I’m interested in… He doesn’t really need to do much else but love me and we’re good. Hopefully I’ll work on getting more creative here in future. I will say, that one of my gay associates, seems to be engaged to his lover. And its humbling, annoying, and inspiring to see all of his engagement-to-wedding pictures on Instagram. His image alone is helping me, frame what love in the future may be for me one day.

Hope this helped,


What do you think? Share with someone you think will have an opinion on this idea. Come back and share your comments below.

Also, if you have a question, feel free to shoot it to me. I will do my best to answer.

The Gay Boy That Grew Up to be an Overachiever


  1. How do you have time to do all these things?
  2. Why are you doing all of this?
  3. Why is your mind wired to think only one way?
  4. Why are you so weird?

Recently I’ve thought about if and undeniably when I would include my sexuality into the skoolhaze blog. If I had my choice, I wouldn’t. I’ve always made it a point to keep my sexuality separate from my work, period. However, recently a group of my students asked me to start and lead an LGBT group at our high school, and although I have absolutely no desire to do it – I’ve been asked by my people, so I must.

Growing up I remember my mom constantly telling me that because I was a young black boy I would have to be better than everyone around me just to be considered equal. At the time I HATED when she would say things like this. I would always respond that I was the same as everyone else in the most irritated tone that I could find. Growing up in the chicago suburbs, in a high school that offered the midwest’s view of diversity, I benefited from being the son of a police officer and social worker. I am Theo, and my parents are pretty much Mr. and Mrs. Cosby. My home was a place where my sister an I were both one of few blacks in the honors and ap courses my high school offered at the time. She was the more natural academic than I. Luckily, my passion for running soon blossomed into a track scholarship at Indiana State University.

Fast forwarding through my years I think it’s fair to say I live in a world where I do everything I care about to the best of my abilties. This includes teaching high school, attending graduate school, creating Skool Haze, maintaining the gym, and pushing forward my other bourgeoning projects. It’s no secret to me that these things have become a perpetual cycle of self-induced one-up-ness. Growing up and being trained, for lack of a better word, through my fraternity, competitive track teams, Public Relations degree, and my early career experiences in sales I can’t imagine living in a life where I didn’t constantly outshine myself for myself. It’s been a blessing that I’ve been able to tie my own determination to trying to lift those up around me. My parents are heavy believers in service to others, and modesty and respect for everyone, in particular their feelings. So… those values are heavily linked to who I have become as an adult.

People ask me why I go so hard and I really don’t know how to explain it to them. I mean, I love what I do, and I’m suited for the trails I envision my work will take. It’s beginning to look like it’s no coincidence that I happen to aspire for something so idealistic and grand.

The article “Young, gay, and trying too hard” on Salon.com explains why I am who I am, and why I do what I do. It explains to people who support me, and those that don’t just why I do go oh so hard for the causes.

To be even clearer I don’t consider myself “in the closet”. However, it is something I’ve never really led a conversation with. If anything I think the article helps explain why I find it difficult to talk about myself. I have a bit of a modesty-complex, which means I’m down to talk about pretty much anything except myself.

I’m not sure what else to say, and to be honest I’m still processing the article and its significance to why I am the way I am. Nonetheless it’s a great look into a part of me that I don’t often share. The fact that I know what it’s like to feel safe with a trusted advisor/counselor as I did with the sports psychologist back in college is the reason why I have to step outside myself and help my high school students and perhaps anyone else I’m able to. The fact that I know what is like to grow up fortunate and lucky in an America that still doesn’t quite view everyone as equals is the reason why I feel so compelled to do my best with Skool Haze, YBMI, and Creative Dreamers.

Anyways, check out the article below and let me know what you think.

PDF File – Young Gay and Trying Too Hard


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